Day 13 Books, Anxiety and FOMO
It’s an age-old story, but this year I am committed to getting back into reading. It has been a wish of mine for years. I would dip in and out of books, but I kept getting distracted. I was all over the place in so many areas of my life.
As you can imagine, social media had a lot to do with it. Not only did it shorten my attention span, but I always felt behind. I was constantly comparing myself to my peers — their creative work, their aesthetic, their careers. I think social media also has a strange effect that is less talked about: you can watch someone travel, cook, or build something, and then feel almost as if you were doing it yourself. I would follow people who had the interests I wanted to cultivate, but instead of teaching me, it kept me passive. It is much easier to watch someone build something than to build it yourself. Real life takes a different kind of effort.
There was another calculation I once heard about: how much time we spend on these platforms, and how many years of our lives that adds up to. Years and years. Freaky, right? These kinds of calculations are always a bit dramatic, but it did make me stop in my tracks. I want — and need — to cut down that time. Not erase it completely, but tame it. There is still a lot of inspiration I get from people online, but I have to stay focused on my own path.
Another thing I learned is that self-control is finite. We are most successful when we put structures in place that make it easy to make the right decisions. It’s like managing a recovering addict — it’s easier to resist when you’re not constantly confronted with the thing you’re trying to avoid. So, I tightened my social media limits using an app that helps me stay off it. I can set exactly when I’m allowed to use it, and for how long. Such a help.
I won’t lie, the first three days were harder than I’d like to admit. I kept reaching for my phone, just to see what was going on. But after that, it got easier with each day. This limitation brought an old friend back into my life: boredom. It confronts us with our thoughts and our restlessness. It’s strange to feel bored in times as overstimulating as these, but boredom was exactly what I was counting on to help me reach my goals.
I ordered a book from my “to read” list — one I’ve been keeping for the past decade. There are over 1000 books on it, and I doubt I’ll ever get to them all. The one I chose was the graphic novel Sheets, and I flew through it in two days. Since then, I’ve kept reading and even started to tackle some of my more challenging audiobooks.
All of this is to say that sometimes the way forward is not to try harder or beat yourself up, but to change the conditions you live in. It’s hard to gain momentum when you’re stuck in dysfunctional relationships or lost online.
I hope you are well wherever you are,
Celine
