Day 1 of my blog experiment to get that mind of mine out of its shell.

This morning I went on my walk the way I do everyday, Monday to Friday. I listened to the latest episode of ADHD Chatter, a podcast I am really enjoying for the academic and insightful conversations on ADHD and AuDHD.

They had an expert on who spoke of her own struggle to get a diagnosis for autism after self identifying as autistic.

I find it very useful but also painful to listen to stories like this because they feel so familiar. How are we going to help neurodivergent women if the manual was written with men in mind? How are we meant to be diagnosed, let alone supported this way? Women are often not believed in their struggles and it is hard to keep a positive and optimistic mindset when being confronted with this inequality. Don’t even get me started on how deeply it is rooted in the history of the medical field.

For me, that conversation also ties into why I want to write this blog, this unedited daily practice. I am not trying to become famous but if women don’t document and share the depth of their experience, we are erased from the record.

Today my curiosity kept swinging back and fourth between Japanese culture (I am watching all of the studio Ghibli movies this year as a way to get more acquainted with it) and AuDHD.

It feels strange and vulnerable to be writing about this, open questions about who things are designed for and how we share ideas. How can I attempt to explain something that has not fully formed in my own mind?

I would much rather not do this, wait some more, continue to excuse my silence. Is it silly to want all of these systems and logic in place before I start to write anything. My armour is perfection, if I just craft my words and grammar, have the clearest outline for my argument, maybe people won’t hate what I have to say. This never works.

In an attempt to move forward and become more clear in my perspective, I have been cutting out distractions quite radically.  All of that started out about a year ago when I had to admit to myself that I was spending most of my hours alone online. So, now I am in my own head a lot, I walk, write and take photos. I have an app in place that blocks me from getting lost on  instagram and more.

There are also far stronger boundaries in my personal life, many people I don’t see anymore. Friendships I have stepped away from for one reason or another. Is this also design thinking? Completely redesigning my life? It feels like it is, like design thinking matters the most in the everyday. Not just to make a product but to be able to try something in real life, reflect on it and try it a different way next, to keep tinkering with things until you find what works for you.

I think that is one of my greatest annoyances with the way I was online before. It made me into a passive viewer, it distracted me and diluted my vision. We are just not built for this.

Either way, this is it for today.

I will see you tomorrow

Celine