Day 21 — A Love Letter to the Days That Don’t Go to Plan
A love letter to my tired, grumpy, sick, and sobbing self.
This season of my life is both beautiful and hard. There are many good things happening, but I am also being pushed to my limits. I love studying product design, but it requires a lot from me—and that means I need stability. I can’t pour from an empty cup.
As it happens, last week I arrived back in Germany, completely unaware that Easter was just around the corner. I feel like some cruel person must have decided on a holiday that moves every year. It’s hard enough to remember dates that stay the same—but this?!
So there I was, standing at the airport, waiting for my luggage, when I found out that my family had made plans to celebrate together. For the next few days, I was in my hometown before finally heading to the place we actually live now. Then it was straight into celebrations. Help.
I hadn’t unpacked or done any laundry yet. I was sick and emotionally raw. I felt so torn—wanting to make the most of this precious family time, while a big part of me just needed life to return to a normal rhythm.
Today was the first day I unpacked, did a load of laundry, and tidied the house. My fridge is still empty and needs to be cleaned before being stocked again. The routine I had carefully created for myself in China is almost forgotten, and I need to adapt it for my time here. There need to be walks in the morning, and some time spent learning how to actually do all of this.
I thought that life would feel easier in my thirties—that I would feel in control, not like a walnut bouncing on the waves. Instead, I am learning about art, boundaries, and communication.
Back to basics. Mental health really is so important—to nourish not just the body, but also the mind. To build trust and care in our relationships.
No matter how depleted I felt over the weekend, my sister and I still painted. Honestly, I wouldn’t have done it without her. It was my first attempt at a blurry painting with acrylics. It’s interesting to see what we can still make while feeling uninspired. Next time, I’d try oils, but this was still a valuable learning experience. I keep imagining paintings behind milk glass—they always look so soothing.
I hope you had an Easter filled with rest, good food, and maybe some walks. I hope you are well, wherever you are, and that you give some love to the parts of you that feel messy and ugly.
Celine
